A note on get-togethers

Planning for a party or get-together is a big challenge these days. On a high level it doesn't look too difficult - you just have to decide a venue and time and then let others know - pretty simple right? Wrong! Lets take the things one by one.
1) Venue - If people really want to come the venue doesn't matter. True. But these days people are so busy that they don't want to travel too much. So you have to chose a venue that falls somewhere in the middle for everyone who you plan to invite.
2) Time - The same could be said about time - if one wants to attend something he/she will find time. But people have so many things to do that they can only offer a time slot in which to fit in the get-together.
3) Inviting people - Some people would be too busy to talk; some would need to take permission from various sources; some people would already have a lot of work to do on that day.

So you see its not so easy to organize a get-together. And if you somehow manage to come up with a plan fulfilling all the constraints people would come up with last minute excuses. Some would fall sick, some would have some urgent work to attend to which they had no idea of earlier, some would be too tired to come. etc. And the worst part of it all is that the people who back out in the end are the people who would come up with let's meet sometime thing. They would be so eager to meet everyone that they would say that they would come no matter what. And then they would back out in the very last minute.
I don't understand why these people say so when they have no intention of attending the meet. I mean you need not say that you don't want to meet, just don't have to talk about it. But no; they have to show their interest only for the sake of showing that they care.

Recently I had been involved in 3 get-togethers. The first one involved my school friends last Saturday. It was a working day for me. One of my friend had come to the town and was to leave on Sunday, so Saturday was the only day we could meet. I don't drive so he offered to drop me home if we got late. We met at around 8:15 PM at India Gate. Then we went to CP where we met 2 more friends. Another friend who was on a date came down around 11:30 PM to meet us. It was great fun being together after a very long time and it was fun. I felt that when you really want to meet a friend you can take that time out and make the effort.
The 2nd one didn't went as expected with 2 of the friends not turning up at all and a 3rd friend making a sort of guest appearance. But the other 2 friends did stay for long and we had a good time going back to the college days and going on till future. And the friends who stayed long - one of them is doing part time MBA and came straight from his college after giving 3 exams; while the other who is married had gone out the day before and could have rested this day but chose to come. It again pointed that there are friends who really want to meet.
The 3rd get-together actually happened today and it was fun in more ways than one. First I thought we were going for dinner but it turned out to be something else. Then you got to know them better and got to know something new about them. And this we had to have between our office hours. While one of the friends stayed late for this others had to stretch their working hours to make this happen. I think nothing more needs to be said.
Sometimes it really feels good to be surrounded with these friends.

The post seems to be mentioning 2 things - 1) having fun in get-togethers with friends who make sure they are part of it 2) people who just say they would like to meet but usually don't come.

When I started writing the post I wanted to stress more on the 2nd kind of people but ended up talking about the 1st kind. And I guess it is worth it because you got to care about people with whom you have good time. When I started writing this I thought the 1st party was good the 2nd could have been better while the 3rd wouldn't happen. All 3 happened and now I think I would take either of the 3 any day as there's nothing like being with friends and enjoying. So even though planning for a get-together is difficult it is worth the effort if you have friends like I mentioned above.

God wants you to know

Sometimes your mind is too occupied in things - some you know some you don't and most might not matter that much tomorrow. But what it does is leaves you in a confused or rather worried state. No matter how much you think you are okay there's something within that makes you feel uneasy. Of late I am going through a similar state.
They say sometimes the most unexpected things make you smile and forget your worries. Guess what the same happened with me tonight. I opened facebook and just clicked on one of the applications which goes something like 'God wants you to know'. And this is what came up -
"You've been worrying too much about the future lately. So tonight, go ahead, put your faith in God, and just have a peaceful evening and a restful sleep."
And believe me the moment I read this a sudden feeling of peace went through me. All the worries were gone for a moment and I felt pretty light. So I am going to do exactly as told - going to sleep :).
Thought this would be something nice to share with all...

Confessing something to a friend

Recently I met one of my best friends (you might say best friend should be one - I have given away that thought long back) and told him something - well how do I put it - something I shouldn't have said; but that something he needed to know and only way of him knowing that was when I said it to him. It may sound confusing but this is actually the way it was. Maybe I shouldn't have thought that way but it was true and so my thinking that way was justified. Well then he should have known it but then he said that for him to know certain things he needs to be told explicitly; so he couldn't have known that. Am I going in circles? Okay let me say it straight. This is what I told him -
"You know what dude I know I can count on you. If I need you, no matter what time, I can call you and I know you will be there. There are a lot of things that I want to talk to you about but can't, you know why, because I don't trust you to keep the things we talk about to yourself and I don't want someone else to know what I told you."

When I told this to him he was hurt (he didn't say anything but I could see it). Later I asked him if he knew this all along and he said that he knew I didn't tell many things to him but he didn't know why. And now that I have told him - bluntly - I don't know how he feels. I had wanted to tell him this for quite some time and now that I have done so I am glad that I did it.
I am pretty sure this doesn't spoil anything between us; because even though this doesn't look so good, it is the right thing. Being friends he ought to know certain things and I should be frank with him. I might have done this earlier or maybe in a better way but I think there's no point thinking about it now. And now that he knows the reason I am sure he understands a lot more things without saying.

Am I doing the right thing?

Today I have been thinking for sometime if I do the right thing. What is the thing here? I will explain. It goes like this -
I have conversations with my friends, relatives and other people. When they tell me something I always tend to show them the other possible ways. For instance when they say something about someone which they didn't like I always tend to tell them the various reasons why the other person could be behaving in that way and their actions weren't intended to hurt this person. Being a Libran - true Libran I may add - I always tend to analyse things from various angles and tend to often take the other side. Its not that I want to get into a arguement - not that I don't like to argue ;) - but its like trying to get into other's shoes and see things from their perspective. To cut this short what I try to do is make the other person see the same thing from different angles and make them realize that this also is an option that could happen. And I am pretty happy with this approach and am also very sure that this is the right approach.
So if I believe this is the right way then what is the problem? The problem is that I have started feeling that I am becoming too mechanical (practical should be the right term here but mechanical fits in better). Instead of making the other person comfortable I think I make them feel guilty - indirectly though - by taking the other person's side. Where I should be taking their side I kind of try to show them that their way of thinking is wrong. I have also started feeling that people might find me emotionless, too practical and often insensitive. I don't think I am either of these but then why have these thoughts surfaced in my mind?

This brings me back to the question - am I doing the right thing? My mind says I am doing the right thing as this approach helps people deicde what to do. My heart agree but only to some extent and says that sometimes I should go with them instead of trying to show them the other side.
I am too confused to decide (typical Libran style again). How about some help?

The Kolkatta Trip and a few realizations

Its been sometime since returning from Kolkatta and I have been thinking about writing about the trip. So here it is ...

I boarded the train from Delhi - Rajdhani AC 2 tier. As I was travelling in AC 2-tier after a long time I thought it would be fun but it turned out to be that there's not much difference in the 2-tier and the 3-tier except for the money :(. I had brought 3 books with me for the whole journey including the train journey so the journey wasn't too bad. We were to reach Kolkatta on shashti. My uncle there had some work so he couldn't come to the station. But we (I and my mom) took a pre-paid taxi and reached my uncle's place. The protima (idol of goddess Durga, goddess Saraswati, goddess Lakshmi, Ganesh ji and Kartik ji) had already come and was placed in the terrace where the Puja was to take place. Bodo Jethu (tauji or uncle) and Jethi (taiji or aunt) had already come. In the evening many relatives came - Bodo Pishi and Pishe, Mejo Pishi and Pishe, Tulu didi and Dhruva da along with thier kids, Rinku didi with her son. It was good to meet them after a gap of 3 years. Over the next 4 days met many other relatives as well - Debu Jethu, Choto Pishe, Babli didi and Probal dada, Joy dada, Mimi didi and Raja da, Mom and Shyamal, Tinni, the kids, et al. This time I also watched a lot of pandals there but unfortunately couldn't click any pictures as my camera memory somehow got full :(. But it was fun watching so many different pandals.

This trip also brought in new realization in me which maybe hadn't dawned on me till then...

It felt strange to see the kids - nephews and nieces - having grown up. They were playing around and making noises, the kind of things I used to do with my cousins. Seeing them do what I used to do not so long ago - or maybe it is that long - I went back the memory lanes where in I was called the 'dada' (as in gunda style :)) of my generation. Now I was old enough to scold the kids and just see them play instead of joining them.

On the other side I had my uncles and aunts who were aging and it showed. From the times when they used to run after me, used to play with me, do the daily chores so actively and participate in all the activities to today where in they get tired easily, can't run after the kids so just scold them, do only those things that are necessary; it has been a complete change.

Time flows and it takes in everyone. Of course people grow from kids to teenagers to adults to old people doing all the activities each age demands passing or rather rushing through each phase. I am also doing the same. But what stuck me this time around was that you don't realize how quickly you are rushing through life. When I look back, what seems like yesterday is in fact many years back. Most of us are so busy in our routine lives that we often forget the things that makes us smile, the things that we should give a high priority to instead of taking it for granted, the things we remember the most and wish we could have done more of it, the list goes on...

The last time I went to Kolkatta I thought it would be boring meeting my relatives after a long time as I wouldn't have much to say or do; but it turned out to be great fun. This time around the expectations were high which were not met but it made me feel that I should be in touch with them more often. The trip also made me see certain things which I won't be mentioning here but yes they made me sit up and notice and think.

To a heart broken friend

"The worst thing a girl can do is make a guy fall for her with no intentions of catching him" was the quote on my friend's gtalk status. The quote caught my eyes and I couldn't help but spend some time thinking about the quote and then my friend.
Yes my friend had a break-off and he is yet to get over it. He had a good time but from the outset I kept telling him not to go ahead with it; but he didn't listen to me and went ahead. It ended in a heart break and it hurt him. I am sure he will get over it but the problem is that he doesn't want to get over it. No matter how much I try I fail; yes he has been stubborn always.
A few days back he did something I never expected from him. I am not going to mention it here but its something he shouldn't have done. In the process he lied to his parents which again is something I don't approve of.
It wasn't meant to be like this. I have seen people go through this before but when it comes to someone so close to you, you can't help but feel - it wasn't meant to be like this. He never took life seriously, was always this fun loving guy but now he is no more that. He wouldn't say no to me or to his friends but at other times he will just spend time sleeping or doing nothing. He has lost interest in all the things that were of his interest; or for that matter he has lost interest in everything.
Coming to his relationship I have a feeling that he knew it from the first that its not going to work. Secondly he also kind of knew that the girl was using him just to get even with her boyfriend (he is going to kill me for writing this). But he still went ahead with all his heart and believed that he could succeed in getting her. It did not work out - I would say it wasn't meant to work out; but then I guess if I was in his place I would have done the same. Of course if you love someone you should at least try to go for it. But there comes a time when one has to accept the things as they are and move on instead of clinging to the non-existing hopes. I tried to make him see the things but he didn't want to see them. And now that the girl has asked him to stop harassing her (yes that's the word used by her after making him fall for her) my friend is even more frustrated. All he wanted to do was to hear from her why it won't work. I know it doesn't matter now but it matters to him. Maybe the girl is right in not wanting to talk or confront him as she doesn't want to continue the relationship. But he feels she owes him an answer.
It upsets me to see my friend hurt - it really upsets me; sometimes angers me. And I can't blame the girl because my friend knew from the start the things and the consequences. He took the risk well aware of the ill-effects and he is facing it now. I don't know how the girl is feeling and I don't care. And I have no complaints from her save one which is 'Why didn't she stop at the outset when she knew she couldn't continue?' For a few good moments she destroyed so much of someone. Is it fair? I guess it is; in today's selfish world it really is.
To my friend I would just like to say that "It happens dude; it happens to everyone. You are not the only one going through this. Keep the good memories and move on. Its difficult I know. But I also know you and I know that there's nothing you can't do. You can't undo something that has already happened but you can always paint a new picture. All you need to do is start afresh; and with a positive frame of mind. And you will always have your friends standing with you no matter what."

My Birthday Theory

It was my birthday recently. Some friends wished me some didn't. There were a few calls I was expecting that didn't come but then not all expectations come good.
I have my own theories on various things and have one on birthdays too which I call 'My Birthday Theory'. It goes like this - If you care for someone you would definitely wish him/her on his/her birthday. This may not seem valid to everyone but then again it is not meant to be validated by everyone; its something I believe in. And I do make it a point to wish my friends on their birthdays. Of course I miss some but then I am also human :). But I do try to make up for it by making sure I don't miss it the next time. There are few people I wish without actually speaking to them; this may not seem logical but then you are not always on talking terms with everyone and so this has to be the way sometimes.
Comming back to my birthday I really feel bad when someone doesn't wish me on my birthday expecially those people who are close to me. It feels as if they don't care. While they may say they forgot I don't take it for an answer as to me birthday is an important day for me and people who care for me should remember the days important to me. This year a lot of people - from whom I expected a call - didn't call on my birthday and I was hurt. I could write their names here but then does it really matter? If they don't care they actually don't. And this gives me a chance to see how many people actually care for me (this is one of my tests). Of course reminders in phones can remind you about birthdays but then again one needs to store it initially and then update the calendar of new phone. And in the end the way of remembering doesn't matter - what matters is remembering.