Anger and Friendship

They say you need to control your anger but how many people are actually able to do so? Anger is a integral part of everyone's life and everyone gets angry once in a while; some get angry faster than others and some show anger while others don't. And when one does get angry it is the anger that rules the person's action and thinking and also what the person says.

When someone is angry his/her mind gets into the negative mode. No matter what you say or do to that person, he/she will take it in the negative sense. And when a person is in negative mode most of thoughts are negative, and one negative thought leads to another; thereby taking the person into a world filled with negativity.


How do you deal with such people? This is probably one of the most asked questions and one of the most difficult to answer. And what happens if the person happens to be a friend of yours. Dealing with an angry friend can be one of the toughest things.


Every person has some negative things in him. A good friend will tend to ignore those negative things (if he isn't trying to improve you on those) and look at your positive points, but he/she would know the negative things i.e. the things he doesn't like in you. But when he/she gets angry on you all the things not liked about you will be said. This leads to a friend who was trying to console a angry friend getting angry himself or at least starting to get angry.
So where does this lead to?
There are a few possibilities -

• the second friend gets angry and the friendship breaks
• the second friend takes things in his stride and waits for the friend to cool down
• the second friend backs off and waits for the angry friend to make the next move

The angry friend also has several possibilities - whether he should go & apologize to his friend or whether he waits for his friend to come again as whatever was said was true.

There is a greater chance of the friendship breaking unless things are analysed with cool heads and sanity prevails. And the worst thing here is that the anger may not have been caused by the friend but it was the state of anger that led to the situation. In the end the someone or something else's anger is thrown at a friend (who was trying to calm him) and you end up losing a friend.

Is it really worth carrying out your anger on friends? Some may say that good friends understand and shouldn't get angry. Others might argue that there are limits which shouldn't be crossed no matter how close friends you are. The point people forget here is that the limit is different for each individual and knowing the limits is again difficult - you don't know how far you can stretch a rubber band until it breaks.

The question still remains "What does one do if someone especially a friend gets angry?". People will say ideally one should control one's anger; but the world is not ideal. And if you see your friend disturbed you try to help. Now to what extent do you go, how much can you take and if your friend crosses the limit (says or does something he/she shouldn't have done) do you forgive him/her when they realize their mistake and come back to you; do you want your friend to apologize or forget everything and get back to good old days.

The possibilities are plenty but the questions still remains unanswered - "what do you do?". And one more question arises - "Do you go to your friend and try to console him?"

Can't and Don't Want

Recently one of friends was discussing something with me and told me "I can't do it". I thought about it for a while and told him that there are two things - "You can't do it" and "You don't want to do it". Now tell which of the two is applicable to you.
Sometime later I had a similar discussion with some of my other friends and realized that people don't differentiate between the two things. So I thought of trying to write about it. I may not be right altogether as there might be situations where indeed there isn't anything that can be done; and for that matter everytime you want to do something you may not be able to do it. But my point is you should have the desire and try.

There is an old proverb which says that "Shoe pinches the one who wears it". This is true but have you ever seen the person himself repair the same? I guess the answer is NO. It is the cobler who repairs the shoe according to what the person says. The same can be applied to the problems people face in life. They have friends to take suggestions from. Not everyone gives the correct or appropriate suggestions but they do give suggestions. You may not take every suggestion but it gives you different viewpoints and often you find that you hadn't thought of it in that way. Discussing helps you see the same thing from different angles and you can reach a decision by considering a lot more options than before.

Everything doesn't appear the same to everyone nor does everyone interprets a thing in the same way. Every person has got his own thought process and sees things accordingly. It also happens that given a thing people look at different parts of it and often totally ignore some parts. This is true everywhere and in everything. This is why people talk to each other and discussions take place.

My idea of writing this post is to make people understand the difference between "I can't" and "I don't want". People always look for the easier way out and try and do things quickly and with least effort required. People don't look at things the way the things were meant to be looked at but look at it in their own way which may not be the correct way.

People before saying "I can't" should think again whether they really can't do it or they do not want to do it. If they do not want to do it then there's nothing that can be done. But if they want to do it but think that they can't do it then they are wrong. Every problem has a solution. Once you are determined to solve a problem you will find the solution. The solution may not be an easy one and may not be found easily; the solution may not be something that you like; but there has to be a solution. And once you accept the fact that there is a solution you will find it sooner rather than later. And to solve the problem you may have to do something that you don't like - at that point you will have to decide if want to solve the problem or let it remain.

My point is - don't give up; TRY. Try things by weighing the options and having an idea as to where this would lead to. See the results after some duration to see if you are heading the right way; if not then reform the startegy and start moving once again.

Your comments...

Life has become ...... strange

Life has become ..... strange.
An unusual title to start writing upon but it is true. Life has been changing over the years from childhood to schooldays to college days to working life and it will change further.
I have been thinking a lot about the past and thought of giving words to them. I don't know if I will be able to pen them down but I will try.

The typical life these days have become something like getting up in the morning at around 6:30 AM, getting ready for office and going to office. You reach office around 9 AM and you are there till 6:30 PM ( some days you have to stay late to finish work). You reach home, have tea, watch TV and then go to sleep after having dinner. The time spend with family is very less and with friends is even lesser. An occasional call with friends, a few forwards and a very rare meeting is all we do.
Lets move back a few years in life - aha those college days.................. they are just unforgettable. That was the time when we were in a different world altogether. Spending the day in college attending classes, playing or doing lab work everything was fun. And when at home phone was always engaged - talking to friends about the day and then planning for next day. We just couldn't get enough of each other. Copying practical files, preparing for exams and making assignments nothing was done without the help of others.
Going back a few more years - takes us to school. Attending classes was compulsory and being disciplined was expected. Homeworks, unit tests and annual exams kept us busy. But we always waited for the games periods and weekends. At home doing homework under the guidance of our parents, finishing homework just in time to go out to play with friends for the evening session, the fight over every ball bowled in cricket, the joy of winning & the anger of losing, further studies and watching TV with family everything is etched in memory. Going for picnics/outings with parents and sister were eagerly waited for. Waiting for the summer break when either we went to meet our cousins or they came to visit us was fun and the summer vacation was even more wonderful.
Staying with the memories is pretty difficult as we suddenly come to the present. No summer vacations; speaking with cousins on phone once in a month or two is what remains. Waiting for the weekend just to spend the day sleeping. Guests are more of a nuisance then welcome. Get together with friends are eagerly planned but canceled at last moment - and even if you manage to go there the turnout is very less.

There was a time when you never thought twice before calling a friend and now you have to think many times before calling someone; and even when you do call someone there is hardly anything to talk about while earlier you didn't need topics to talk and still ended up talking for hours.
One call was enough for the entire group of friends to assemble at one place and start playing but now repeated calls can't make everyone turn up; and those who do turn up don't feel like playing but would like sitting in AC.
You would just mention that you need some help and everyone was there and now you need to repeatedly remind people and still they forget.
There were days when Kurkure and 7up was party and today proper seating and AC are necessities. There were days when sun never existed for us and now sun seems like a heater. Those were days when going anywhere was not a problem when we were together but now there has to be proper planning to decide how shall we go.

Sometimes I wish those days are back but it seems unlikely. People are busy with targets and deadlines more than anything. Future is something that is eating up everyone's time. Somewhere in a corner of everyone's heart is the desire to relive those old days but no one has time to address the concern. And in future people will become even more busy. With friends moving to achieve their goals there is no time left for old pals except in memories.

I just hope to spend some more days like the old golden days...............