The list remains...

The last few weeks, I have felt, there is a lot of work to be done. Work on all facets. I have somehow been avoiding/delaying them for no apparent reason. Avoiding because I probably am not ready to spend time on them. Delaying probably because I am not sure what needs to be done. Laziness probably is behind both.

Didn’t someone say “With time everything will be alright”? I am probably waiting for time to take care of things. Time, however, has failed me so far. Probably Time needs more time.

Someone else said “If you want it done, do it yourself”. I start doing things with enthusiasm, determined to finish it. I set deadlines. I manage to finish some of the stuff. For others, I make a plan and promise to follow it.

Things keep piling on. Some take high priority. A few get thrown out because of not doing them on time (they have their consequences). Most increase their scope. I keep looking at the list determined to reduce it soon.

Someone said “It’s more important to enjoy the journey rather than reaching the destination”. I decide to enjoy the stuff and do it thoroughly. I start picking up things related (but avoidable) to the stuff I am doing. Time passes by. The list grows.

Someone said “Take time out for family and friends and spend time doing things you enjoy.” I take a break. I enjoy the time as it flies by. The list grows.

Someone said “If it is to be, it is up to me”. I have to clear the list. I start with vigor. I finish a few stuff. I feel energized. I continue working more. I look at the list. It looks messy. I decide to redo the list. Prioritize and plan better. The new list looks good; even beautiful to some extent.

Someone said “Beauty is only skin deep”. I re-checked the list. None of the stuff had moved out, they were re-aligned. I start working. It feels good to work with a proper plan. I look at the list. It looks at me mockingly and says “I am still the same – a few things here and a few things there doesn’t change anything.”

Someone said “Alcohol doesn’t solve problems, but neither does milk”. I decide to go for tea. A no of cups later the problems still exist. I try the ostrich way. The things don’t change; the neck hurts now.

Someone said “Whatever happens, happens for a reason”. Does it mean the delay was meant to happen? Or does it mean I am always reminded of the things to do because they need to be done?

I guess there will always be things to do. Whether it gets done or not depends on your desire to do them; and maybe on the circumstances. There are times when you don’t feel like doing things. There are times when you are unsure about what to do or how to do. There are times when you need help. There are times when you know things need to be done but somehow can’t/don’t do it. These are the times when your thinking becomes all messed up and your decision making is hindered. Of course there are times when things take care of themselves. People will keep saying things on every situation and often different people will say different things. It is up to you to decide what advice you want to follow.

For me the list still remains…

Movie without ticket

I, Febin, Kunal and Smita (Kunal’s wife) had gone to watch a movie. We asked Kunal to buy the tickets and he did so. As we entered the movie hall the guard at the entrance asked for the tickets as usual. Kunal was at front of the four of us and I was at the back. As I reached the guard he asked me for the ticket and I said I was with them. He allowed me to go. Then we entered the audi where our movie was to be shown. We proceeded towards our seats. Kunal was leading the way. As he sat down we asked him the seat numbers. He whispered that he had bought only 3 tickets. We were like “what the hell”.

We gave Kunal a stern look. I asked him to go and buy the 4th ticket; to which he replied he’ll do so in the interval. When Febin asked him what would we do if all the seats get filled, he had no answer. He just said “We’ll see when it actually happens” Febin told him that if the case arises he’ll have to buy 4 more tickets as we all will be moving out.
Ours was 3rd row from the screen and the hall was almost full. Instead of watching the ongoing ads we started looking at the gate to see how many more people are coming. Ours were middle seats. The seats on either side were almost filled. People started sitting in the row in front of us. Slowly (it seemed an eternity but actually it was around a minute or two) the no of people entering reduced and started settling in their seats. There were still some empty seats in front of us for contingency – you never know what might happen :P. Luckily things went fine. The movie started. The hall was completely full upto our row. The people stopped entering and we had a sigh of relief.
Of course we didn’t buy the extra ticket in the interval and had a good laugh on it. Every time Kunal is with us and goes to buy the ticket we remember this incident and ask him to buy the exact no of tickets.

When clarification leads to confusion

There are 4 friends – let me call them A, B, C and D (B being the only female in the group) for the sake of anonymity. They happen to be good friends; happened would be a better word now. A series of incidents occurred leading to a lot of confusion and a few fights. Here’s how the things went:

A and B had a fight which lead to their not speaking to each other for some time. C and D were not (supposedly) aware of it. As things turn out between friends, soon A and B were back to talking to each other although after some heated conversations/clarifications. During one such conversation B had vowed never to call A if the next call went unanswered. Of course that didn't happen and soon things seemed to be normal. But it wasn't to last long.

B spoke to C about her fight with A and inquired from C if he felt any indication of A being upset with her. C said that he felt something was wrong because when he had asked A about B, A had replied “why would she call me”. A wasn't aware of this conversation between B and C.

In one of the succeeding conversations with A, B asked A if he really believed that she wouldn't call him again. A answered in the negative and asked B what made her think so? B said that she got to know from somewhere that A had said “why would she call me” on being asked about her. When A asked “Who said this?” B wasn't willing to answer that question. A continually kept asking B the same question whenever B initiated a conversation which resulted in their not having much of conversation.

A had used the words “why would she call me” with only 2 persons C and D and had a hunch that it would have to be either of them who had said this to B. So A while having a conversation with D, asked him what all he had said to B. D was shocked by the question as he hadn't had any such conversation with B. In fact D didn't have any context of what was going on between A and B. A explained the situation to D. D didn't like it at all and blamed B for creating confusion between him and A.

It was A’s birthday. B, C and D along with another common friend had decided to buy a gift for A. B was to buy the gift online and have it delivered to D’s house. D was to handover the gift to A on his birthday. During the purchase of the gift, D had asked B to provide her account details so that D could transfer his contribution to B. B said that she would do so once the gift was delivered and liked by A. D had asked the question thrice and didn't like the response from B. In the meantime all the above mentioned things happened. So D stopped picking/responding B’s calls/SMS. D got stuck in office work and got delayed. B wasn't aware why the gift wasn’t delivered yet. C was out of town and D wasn't picking her phone. So B was worried as well as confused. D came to A’s home late at night to deliver the gift. Along with the gift they all had decided to give together D got separate gift for A while the combined gift was given with only B’s name on it.

A sensed something was wrong and asked D as to what was going on. D mentioned the conversation he had with A sometime back and also recalled an incident from the past. (The incident went something like this - B had jokingly said to A that she had a conversation with D. At that time B and D weren't quite friends so A couldn’t believe it. When A tried to confirm from D about the conversation D said he never had a conversation with B) Combining the 2 incidents D decided to close all relations with B as twice the actions of B had caused confusion between A and D. A tried to clarify B’s standpoint to D but to no avail. At that time D also told A about how the 4 of them had planned the gift and a brief of their conversations.

A called up B to understand what was going on and also convey D’s stand. They had a long conversation wherein everything - mentioned so far in the post - was discussed in details. The viewpoints of all 4 people was talked about and debated. B also said that her reason for not saying the name to A was to prevent any frictions between A and C. And B was hurt at how things turned out and blamed herself for her role in it. She also pointed a few fingers on A on his involvement. A had to agree to some of it.

The outcome of all these is as follows:

D is not talking to B
B is hurt because she didn’t intend to hurt D
B is upset with A
B is hurt for she thinks she could have done things differently
D is upset with C for C’s role in the things
A is skeptical about C
C is unaware of all these
A is upset with D’s standpoint on B

Having said this I am wondering what went wrong. Is there a chance things could have been different? If so, what could have been done differently? Was A wrong in seeking clarification as to who wasn’t keeping the conversation to himself? Was B wrong in trying to avoid friction between 2 friends? Was B wrong in trying to identify if things were smooth between her and A? Was D wrong in feeling that B was responsible for creating confusion between him and A? And subsequently severing all ties with B? Was C wrong in clarifying B’s doubts? Was B right in sharing with C about her fight with A? Was A wrong in thinking C broke his trust?

Friendship is one of the best gifts someone can have. It is to be valued and cherished. Often it is the only thing left with people when things go wrong. Here there are 4 friends who value each other and would spare no effort to make sure that their friends are fine. But the friendship is now caught in a storm. How should A, B, C and D feel about each other and what should be the state of their friendship? What can each of them do to come back to a steady state?