Today I have been thinking for sometime if I do the right thing. What is the thing here? I will explain. It goes like this -
I have conversations with my friends, relatives and other people. When they tell me something I always tend to show them the other possible ways. For instance when they say something about someone which they didn't like I always tend to tell them the various reasons why the other person could be behaving in that way and their actions weren't intended to hurt this person. Being a Libran - true Libran I may add - I always tend to analyse things from various angles and tend to often take the other side. Its not that I want to get into a arguement - not that I don't like to argue ;) - but its like trying to get into other's shoes and see things from their perspective. To cut this short what I try to do is make the other person see the same thing from different angles and make them realize that this also is an option that could happen. And I am pretty happy with this approach and am also very sure that this is the right approach.
So if I believe this is the right way then what is the problem? The problem is that I have started feeling that I am becoming too mechanical (practical should be the right term here but mechanical fits in better). Instead of making the other person comfortable I think I make them feel guilty - indirectly though - by taking the other person's side. Where I should be taking their side I kind of try to show them that their way of thinking is wrong. I have also started feeling that people might find me emotionless, too practical and often insensitive. I don't think I am either of these but then why have these thoughts surfaced in my mind?
This brings me back to the question - am I doing the right thing? My mind says I am doing the right thing as this approach helps people deicde what to do. My heart agree but only to some extent and says that sometimes I should go with them instead of trying to show them the other side.
I am too confused to decide (typical Libran style again). How about some help?
12 comments:
Like u said urself - u try to see things with different angles everytym. But while doing so, u forget to take into account the state of person in front of you - which could make him think that u are too practical or such things
Showing them their problem with a different angle is not wrong. It indeed helps, but do analyse the situation / mental state of the person as well ;)
Mind only gives logical answers - Heart thinks emotionally ;)
I think you are doing much too analysis on urself.That means you are too concerned which u shd not be.
Don't ask others waht you are doing is wrong or right.Person himself is best judge of the things he\she is doing.
Waht you are doing is right but if you have doubts on that then it means that u urself know that it is not completely right.SO keep confidence in urslef and listen to ur heart or mind whichever is your preference and ppersonal choice.
keep Smiling and don't worry u will do right i think so(shayad) :).
Guess who's this ?????
I too hv same experience..
Actually.. i felt the same.. After such arguments with friends, i always got a reply.. why the hell you are taking the side of 3rd person whom you don't even know..
I always try to look for the positive outcome.. but that results in "you think a lot", "why u alwz tk other side"
But wht i can say is sometimes its better to understand the state of person in front of you..
one shd nt always tries to move them towards perfection("you shud hv done it this way" or "you can react in more beter way").. sometime we shd ignore there mistakes and take der side just to boost them up and let them feel we r wid them n den may be later tell them wat cud hv been the better way if needed..
Your blog id says it all…strictly-my-views and that is what you always do…
When some one is hurt….for some time there seems to be no solution and ideal path being shown is very hazy to them…or seems too practical…but the person also knows that already...
I feel, it’s easy to show the other side as today or tomorrow that is the only option the person has, but is the person in a state to listen to the other side is what we need to understand and realize….there is always a right time to take either side…but what the person wants today is what a friend can provide and listen to…
No one, I have realized over years needs advice, as even with the advice we always tend to do what we feel is right and its not that you show them the path….that they already know….but Mr. writer as the first line of your zodiac says “You would get a lot of free advice from him” …you cant help yourself…
So, don’t bother what others might be feeling about you….because they might not try and stand in your shoes…to understand what you are trying to attempt…
Am sure you know…me !!!
Hi Pujariji IMHO the circumstances should determine your approach.
Its no use telling the right thing at the wrong time or vice versa.
I know you well enough to say that you would realise when a velvet glove and when an iron hand is to be used.Of'course ur judgement might be falled sometimes but atleast ur concience wud be clear.
Hey Pujari Sir,
My feedback for you is that-
Every one person is at times in dilemma for what’s right for him and what's wrong. Every slight deviation in decisions can at times lead one life to different era.
I will suggest you to, as being an honest friend; give your candid views to your friend who shares his/her views for help. Off course this doesn’t means that you ignore one state of mind at that time. Just analyze what does he really wants or what’s good for him could be and then give your perceptions at the right time
If somebody is hurt at that time he may/may not listen to you- but if you make him comfortable gradually then sow him other side of the grass: he will be then more open to suggestions
But if you think that your views are really important for his career or life: then share your thoughts, it doesn't matter's how he may feel at that time or may point out that you being emotionless. But one thing I know, everything that happens in your life is for a reason. And believe me sometimes a minuscule moment in life – of good incident can inspire and boost one confidence to such an extent that his horizon is broadened and his outlook towards life can change.
This is a very good quality to see things from different angles. But at the same time u need to give importance to ur front person to whom u r talking, he might need ur help, symapathy, moral boost. U r practical, but u need to be diplomatic also, which will not hurt anyone's emotions
Even I am also same kinf of person (Libran). But its not only mediating between two people but also when you are at the other side. I mean you are in a discussion with a person and because of your libran nature you try to understand other person's side and it makes them feel if they are only right and you are wrong....
dont decide.
flow with the tide.
If and when your heart overpowers your logical senses follow your heart.. and on occasions when ur mind decides for you follow your mind.
Like everything else there are no right and wrong choices here.
3 Solutions to your problem (and here every solution has a price). Pick the one that suits you. :)
1. Stop telling it.
Stop telling people the other angle of their situation that you can think of. Problem SOLVED !!
Price - you might feel the guilt that you could have helped them in some way but you dint.
2. Align with their thoughts.
You will not need to see the other angles of the situation. you save some of your Energy and this confusion.
Price - You have stopped using your mind to look at the situation your way. (Believe me this one is bad option ;-))
3. Choose when to say when not to say.
This is situation based. Judge the situation and tell your thoughts. If you have something positive to add - do it. Severity of the situation decides the push you need to make. Try to keep yourself unbiased and non-critic.
Price - $500 (slightly negotiable ! ;-) ).
1. Librans are best known as - "The Most Balanced". And I wonder why this "Libran" getting so confused and/or worried?
2. You wrote, "I have also started feeling that people might find me emotionless, too practical and often insensitive".
So my take on this! The writer is having emotions, not practical and very-very sensitive! Proof was when he left his last company. :P
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