Bangalore diaries - Passing time

Its been sometime now in Bangalore and I think I am getting used to the life here. The one thing that prevents me from going all out in settling here is the fact that I know it is temporary. I will be going back to my home soon. And so it doesn't drive me to go out explore the locale for day to day needs, to know the neighbourhood, to make friends around. In short it doesn't drive me to know Bangalore as a place to stay but just a place for temporary station.

Lets see what all I can do here. Apart from office work I think I can do absolutely anything. I mean I can literally do anything I want to. There are no restrictions to follow, no routines to carry, no one to answer to. I have always thought about the things I would do if I ever get into such a scenario. And not that I am actually in that scenario I have no clue what to do. I mean there are things I would like to do but I something is stopping me from doing them. Some I fear I will not be able to do, some I am sure I won't be able to do, some I don't think is the right thing to do and some I somehow don't feel like doing. So I guess it leaves just one thing to do - do nothing. And if I somehow manage to do nothing then what will I do. Sounds confusing? Doesn't it? Well that's exactly where I am stuck. I want to do absolutely nothing but need something to pass time. Thinking about it would lead me to something called a cyclic dependency which is heading towards a deadlock.

Does it mean a routine life a better than this life? Does that mean having restrictions is better than having no restrictions? Does that mean it is good to have someone answerable? I am not sure if I could answer them in boolean i.e. plain yes and no. It is probably human tendency to want things they don't have and when they get those they don't want it. And I am no different. There are actually a few things I definitely want to do. And I have everything to do them. But somehow I don't feel like doing it. Nothings preventing me from doing it, yet something is preventing me from doing to it.

I don't think I will be able to figure out what is preventing me. The options left to me are either I drop the idea, or I do it no matter what, or I take some more time to think about it. The third option seems to be the easiest thing to do which is what I am going to choose most likely, at least for now. Wait and watch. Keep thinking about what to do and pass the time. I am sure the mind will be fed up with all this and decide the course of action. I just hope I have more patience that my mind...